Networking Doesn’t Have To Be Weird
I started college in 2009, during the Great Recession that came in the immediate aftermath of the 2007/2008 financial crisis. Even when I started law school in 2013, the U.S. labor market had not bounced back—not to mention that year’s morale-pummeling government shutdown. I didn’t know it at the time, but I now understand that virtually all of the intense career advice I received in college and law school was colored by the bleak economic environment I’d presumably be trying to survive in, after graduation.
I was taught, through career counseling and certain pre-law programs, that networking had to look a certain way. Networking meant wearing business professional outfits (never business casual), sourcing personalized business cards on thick stock (for a law student? hilarious), consistently attending in-person panels and other events, waiting patiently in line to speak to a panelist, planning out 1-3 witty lines to deliver before launching into my personal job search pitch, asking for a business card in return, and definitely emailing the connection within 2 business days to follow-up and begin Phase 2.
You can imagine how much internal hype work was required to do all that over and over again. And you can also imagine how few truly fruitful and organic relationships were built using that robotic, step-by-step networking guide. Thankfully, through more life experience (and many networking blunders), I can say I am more comfortable than ever with “networking” because it’s ceased to mean what it used to. Networking doesn’t have to be weird. I still don’t love to do it, but shaking off the rigid expectations I was taught were requirements has been freeing. I’ve also now experienced what it’s like to be on the receiving end of networking outreach—very surreal, but also very helpful in reminding me what does and doesn’t work. Below are a few things that now guide my approach to networking, with a heavy emphasis on trying not to make it weird.
Cold outreach is still in style. Sometimes, there’s just no way to conjure up a natural connection with someone you’re looking to speak with or learn from. It is still completely okay to send someone a cold email or DM and hope they might reply—and it’s worth it on the off chance they actually do. I’ve developed a few cold email templates that I adjust based on what type of outreach I’m conducting, whether it’s seeking intel on an organization, looking for career guidance, or hoping to build a new relationship.
Develop a deep comfort with non-responses. An integral tool when navigating the networking world is a comfort level with two common scenarios: 1) not getting a response from someone you reached out to, and 2) not finding success when trying to revive a dormant relationship. Both of these are bound to happen to you at some point. Perhaps you’ve emailed someone two or three times, and you never hear a word. Maybe you’ve reached out to someone you’ve not spoken to in years, hoping to reconnect…and they outright say no, or leave their read receipts on. It’s not useful to dwell on these instances as signs that you should stop trying to network, or instances of rejection or failure. There are lots of reasons people might not reply—folks are busy! You could be just one of thirty DMs seeking the same thing from that person. Alternatively, it’s okay if people don’t want to reconnect with us; it’s their right to decide whether or not to reenter a relationship, even a networking one. Move on as gracefully as you can; there are more people to get to know!
Don’t hide the ball—make your specific ask early. In all of my outreach, whether it’s to strangers or people already in my network, I make my ask as quickly as I can. I’m not saying to abandon pleasantries or be overly blunt. But I find that people appreciate understanding up front what it is I’m seeking: whether it’s truly just to catch up, trade notes, or ask for a favor. Quickly sharing the point of the interaction helps people decide whether or not they want to or even have capacity to connect—saving everyone time and energy.
Offer your help or find ways to reciprocate. I do my best to ensure that each of my “networking” interactions involves at least a standing offer to do something for the person I’m connecting with or asking something of—whether they take me up on it or not. For example, in exchange for references about my professional work from a former supervisor, I’ve done free guest classroom lectures or spoken with students who were seeking guidance. Making myself available for favors in exchange for what I need from others feels fair, and I like knowing that I can reliably provide skills or value to them now or in the future. In essence, I try to show up for those who show up for me, and I hope they know I can be relied on to repay a favor.
There’s absolutely no networking formula. So much of successful networking relies on our emotional intelligence, our ability to “read the room,” and our willingness to find the courage to make reasonable asks and hope for positive outcomes. Networking is transactional, and we don’t need to pretend otherwise—but we also don’t need to make it any weirder than it is.
